🚽 Is Your Child Ready for Toilet Training? A Compassionate Guide for Families

Toilet training is a major milestone, and for children with autism, it often comes with unique challenges. 💙 As someone who has worked with children for 20 years, I’ve supported families through this process many times. Some children pick it up quickly, while for others, it takes time—and that’s okay! The key is a plan that works for your child, your family, and their developmental readiness.

One of the biggest challenges families face is that many childcare centers, preschools, and programs require toilet training. I’ve seen families struggle to find childcare options simply because their child isn’t fully toilet trained. This can be frustrating, but with a well-planned approach and the right support, success is possible.

Why Is Toilet Training So Hard? ❓

For many children with autism, the difficulty isn’t just about learning a new skill—it’s about unlearning a deeply ingrained habit.

🧠 Concrete thinking: From birth, children are taught that pee goes in a diaper. Suddenly, we’re telling them, “No, no, no—now it goes in the toilet.” This shift can be confusing! Many children may even feel like they are doing something wrong when using the toilet for the first time.

🔄 Love of consistency: One of the strengths of autism is being consistent and predictable—and now we’re changing the routine! This uncertainty can create resistance.

👂 Sensory challenges: The sound of flushing, the feeling of a toilet seat, or even the transition from warm diapers to a cold toilet can be startling for some children.

🚫 Fear of accidents: Some children may hold their pee or poop to avoid making a mistake, which can create discomfort and further resistance.

The most important thing we can do is have compassion. If we try to see toilet training from their perspective, we can approach it in a way that makes them feel safe, successful, and supported.

Readiness Signs for Toilet Training 🚦

Every child is different, but common signs of readiness include:

✔️ Staying dry for longer periods (1-2 hours)
✔️ Showing awareness of wet/soiled diapers (pulling at the diaper, saying "wet," or trying to remove it)
✔️ Going away from the group to eliminate (hiding behind furniture or in another room to poop)
✔️ Showing interest in the toilet (watching siblings/parents, flushing, or wanting to sit on the toilet)
✔️ Following simple instructions (like “sit down” or “pull up your pants”)
✔️ Tolerating sitting on the toilet, even briefly

💡 Not seeing these signs yet? That’s okay! Readiness can be built through gradual exposure and reinforcement.

Planning for Success: A Step-by-Step Approach 🛠️

1️⃣ Start with Voiding (Peeing) First

Many children learn voiding (urination) before eliminating (bowel movements) on the toilet. Peeing usually comes first, while pooping may take additional time. This is normal! We focus on one step at a time, helping the child feel comfortable before moving forward.

2️⃣ Choose Where to Start

Success often happens faster in structured environments (like a clinic or classroom) before transitioning home. If families aren’t ready for full follow-through at home, the process may take longer. However, the skill can still be taught first in therapy and then reinforced at home when families are ready.

3️⃣ Use Powerful Reinforcement

Toilet training should be rewarding!
🎉 The goal is to make peeing in the toilet an exciting, positive experience.

Start with immediate reinforcement.
This is one of the only times I recommend edibles (preferred food rewards)because they provide instant feedback and are highly motivating.

Use the most exciting treat possible:
A single M&M, gummy bear, or favorite cracker works well to initially reward peeing in the toilet.

Gradually fade reinforcement – Over time, we shift to other rewards like:

• ⭐ Access to a favorite toy

• ⏳ Outside playtime

• 🎨 Picking a fun activity
  🔹 Move toward delayed reinforcement – Once the child understands the routine, we introduce sticker charts and reward systems, such as:

• "If I use the potty 5 times, I get outside time!"

• "If I stay dry for 5 days, I get a new iPad game!"

Reinforcement should be exciting and meaningful to the child and adjusted based on what motivates them.

4️⃣ Make It a Team Effort

Collaboration is key. When parents, caregivers, and therapists work together, children experience less stress and faster success. The best approaches include:

• Starting in the clinic/classroom first, then transferring the skill home - This approach may take longer, but I’ve seen it be very successful!

• Beginning at home and the clinic at the same time for consistency across settings

5️⃣ Compassionate Care Comes First 💙

At Orchid Academy, we follow compassionate, child-led strategies based on Skills-Based Treatment (SBT) principles.

🚫 No punishment or force – We build trust and make the toilet a safe space.

🧩 Gradual shaping – If a child resists, we start with small, manageable steps.

🎉 Progress over perfection – Every step forward is a win!

Timeline Expectations: How Long Does It Take? ⏳

Toilet training is not a one-size-fits-all process. Some children may take a few weeks, while others need months to fully transition. Pooping (eliminating) often takes longer than peeing (voiding).

General Timeline & Phase Progression for Readiness & Training:

1️⃣ Building Tolerance (1-3 weeks) – Sitting on the toilet, flushing, wearing underwear

2️⃣ Voiding Success (4-8 weeks) – Peeing on the toilet consistently

3️⃣ Eliminating Success (Varies per child) – Pooping on the toilet, which often takes longer

4️⃣ Initiating the Bathroom Process (Ongoing, multiple phases)

• 🚪 Going into the bathroom independently when they feel the urge
  

• 💬 Using words, pictures, or an AAC device to request the bathroom
  

• ✋ Building independence with wiping, flushing, and handwashing
  
  5️⃣ Transferring to New Settings (Ongoing) – Practicing in different bathrooms, including public restrooms

💡 Initiation is an important skill! Many children with autism don’t naturally indicate when they need to go. We explicitly teach this step to help children learn to recognize, communicate, and act on their needs.

Next Steps: A Sample Toileting Plan 🚀

Now that we’ve covered readiness and planning, our next post will walk through a step-by-step toileting plan to help families put this into action. Stay tuned! 💙

💡 Need support? We’re here to help! 💬