Social Skills for School-Aged Girls with Autism: Key Skills for Every Stage

Social skills don’t come naturally to everyone, and for girls with autism, the social landscape of school can be especially complex. While many autistic girls are great at masking—blending in by mimicking peers—they often struggle with building and maintaining genuine friendships, understanding social expectations, and managing the emotional toll of fitting in.

Many social skills programs are designed with boys in mind, yet research shows that autistic girls often have different social needs. They may be drawn to small groups or one-on-one friendships, experience difficulty reading social cues despite appearing engaged, or struggle to navigate shifting social dynamics as they get older.

Here’s a breakdown of key social skills for girls at each school stage, along with strategies to support them in building meaningful relationships.

Elementary School: Learning the Basics of Friendship

At this stage, friendships are based on proximity and shared activities—who plays together at recess, who sits together at lunch. The social world is simpler, but it still requires skills that may need direct teaching.

Key Social Skills to Support in Elementary School

✔ Joining Play & Conversations – Many autistic girls observe play instead of joining in. Teaching them how to enter a game, ask to join, or take turns leading can help them connect with peers.

✔ Reading Facial Expressions & Body Language – Even if a child appears to make eye contact, they may struggle to interpret what emotions mean. Direct teaching of happy, frustrated, bored, or annoyed cues can prevent social missteps.

✔ Handling Friendship Conflicts – Many girls avoid conflict altogether or may become overly upset when friendships shift. Teaching how to problem-solve, recognize when a friend needs space, and bounce back from small disagreements is key.

✔ Understanding the Difference Between Friendly & Mean Behavior – Some autistic girls struggle to tell the difference between gentle teasing, sarcasm, and actual bullying. Role-playing and social stories can help them recognize when someone is being unkind and when to seek help.

✔ Recognizing When a Friend is Interested – Autistic girls sometimes monologue or focus on their own interests without realizing a peer is disengaged. Practicing "back and forth" conversations, asking peers about their interests, and noticing when a friend is distracted can help.

Support Strategies: Use social scripts, small-group play dates, role-playing, and teacher-supported interactions to help your child practice real-life social situations.

Middle School: Navigating Changing Friendships & Social Expectations

Middle school is where social skills become more abstract, unspoken, and complex. Friendships shift from shared activities to shared values and interests, and social groups can be less predictable and more exclusive. This is when masking becomes common, and many autistic girls feel pressure to "keep up" with their peers while struggling with emotional exhaustion.

Key Social Skills to Support in Middle School

✔ Recognizing Different Types of Friends – Not everyone is a "real friend"—some are classmates, acquaintances, or even people who are unkind. Teaching the difference can help your child focus energy on supportive friendships.

✔ Understanding Social Hierarchies – Middle schoolers often form cliques, and it can be confusing why certain kids are “popular” or why social rules seem to change. Helping your child recognize who makes them feel good vs. who drains their energy can empower them to choose healthy friendships.

✔ Handling Peer Pressure – Autistic girls may struggle with saying no or recognizing when a request is inappropriate. Practicing assertive responses to social pressure can help them feel more confident in setting boundaries.

✔ Navigating Group Conversations & Changing Topics – Small talk and fast-paced group discussions can be overwhelming. Practicing how to listen for topic changes, wait for pauses, and ask relevant questions can help.

✔ Self-Advocacy & Emotional Regulation – Middle school friendships are more intense and emotionally charged. Teaching how to ask for a break, recognize feelings of social burnout, and communicate needs without feeling guiltyis key to preventing anxiety and social exhaustion.

💡 Support Strategies: Encourage structured social activities based on shared interests (e.g., book clubs, STEM programs, art classes) where friendships can form naturally in predictable settings.

High School: Developing Independence & Social Confidence

By high school, the focus shifts to long-term relationships, independence, and preparing for adulthood. The challenge is no longer just making friends—it’s maintaining meaningful friendships, recognizing social cues in higher-pressure situations, and setting healthy boundaries.

Key Social Skills to Support in High School

✔ Recognizing Healthy vs. Toxic Friendships & Relationships – High school friendships can be deeply personal, but not all friendships are safe. Teaching your child to recognize emotional manipulation, one-sided friendships, and unhealthy dependence can help protect their emotional well-being.

✔ Navigating Dating & Romantic Interest – If your child is interested in dating, understanding consent, boundaries, and healthy relationships is critical. Many autistic girls don’t recognize warning signs of coercion or manipulation, making education on this topic essential.

✔ Handling Social Exhaustion & Burnout – Many autistic teens feel pressure to keep up socially while managing academics, extracurriculars, and sensory stress. Teaching how to balance social time with self-care is crucial.

✔ Reading Professional & Social Expectations – Whether in a job, internship, or college prep, understanding when to be formal vs. casual, how to advocate for accommodations, and how to handle authority figures are skills that will impact future success.

✔ Planning for Social Independence – High schoolers are expected to make plans, navigate group chats, and organize meet-ups with friends. Helping them learn how to initiate plans, handle last-minute changes, and stay engaged in friendships can set them up for success.

💡Support Strategies: Social coaching, therapy groups, and structured meet-ups with like-minded peers can help build confidence in navigating social independence.

Helping Your Child Build Meaningful Social Skills

For autistic girls, the pressure to fit in can be overwhelming, but with the right support, they can build friendships that feel natural, comfortable, and fulfilling. The key is understanding their unique social needs and breaking social skills into smaller, teachable steps.

At Orchid Academy, we work with families to identify specific social skills that will help your child succeed at school and beyond. Every girl deserves friendships that make her feel safe, valued, and understood. 💙

Need help figuring out where to start? Schedule a free consultation today or ask your BCBA about social skills support.