Understanding Autism for Siblings: Insights and Strategies
From Dr. Autumn Flick - A Mom’s Experience
There was a time when I had to explain to one of my children why her sibling processes information and acts in different ways due to autism. For nearly 20 years, I've been teaching about autism to families, school personnel, and graduate students.
One of the hardest teaching moments was trying to explain autism to our child about her sibling. Sibling dynamics are tricky. Here are some questions I was asking myself:
How do I explain something to someone frustrated with their older sibling?
How do I protect my child with autism while also protecting and prioritizing her sibling?
How do I inspire love and compassion in the heart of my sibling?
In full transparency, sibling relationships can sometimes be raw - especially for teenagers! The last thing I wanted was to give my child information that she could "use against her sister" and make her feel bad about autism. However, there were times when she needed to understand why her sister may have had strong reactions to things. Here are some things to consider when talking to siblings about autism.
What is Autism for Siblings?
Autism, or autism spectrum disorder (ASD), is a diverse condition that affects how individuals develop and interact with the world around them. This can include unique ways of seeing, hearing, and interacting with their environment.
For siblings, this means that a brother or sister with autism might experience and respond to sensory inputs—like noise, light, or touch—very differently than others might expect. They may also have distinct ways of communicating, which can include limited verbal communication, using gestures, or relying on routine and repetition.
Understanding these differences is crucial for siblings as it can explain why their brother or sister might prefer solitude, resist changes in routine, or react strongly to seemingly minor things. By recognizing these aspects of autism, siblings can learn more effective ways to interact and support each other, enhancing their relationship and reducing misunderstandings.
When is the Right Time to Talk About Autism? 🕒
Discussing autism with a sibling should happen strategically to maximize understanding and minimize stress. Consider bringing up the topic:
During Calm Moments: Choose a quiet time when both siblings are relaxed and more receptive to discussion.
After an Incident: If a challenging behavior occurs, explain why it happened once things have settled to help the sibling understand and not feel upset or scared.
When Behavior Impacts the Sibling: If the behavior of the child with autism significantly affects the other child—such as aggression towards the sibling or disruptive noises—it's crucial to address these concerns. This is particularly important when the family finds itself limiting activities because they are concerned about how the child with autism will react in various environments.
Note: If your family is dealing with these challenges, remember that the Orchid team is here to help expand your horizons and explore solutions together so that you are not limiting family outings because of problem behavior.
What is Age-Appropriate? 🧒👦🧑
Tailoring the conversation about autism based on the sibling's age ensures they understand without feeling overwhelmed:
For Younger Children (3-6 years): Explain sensory sensitivities and social challenges using simple, clear language and relatable analogies. Here are a couple of examples:
Simple Language: "Autism is like this: everyone’s brain works like a computer, but everyone's computer works differently. Your sibling's brain has its special way of working that might make them not look at you directly. They are not ignoring you; that’s their way of being."
Using Analogies: You can compare it to why some people like chocolate ice cream and others prefer vanilla.
For School-Aged Children (7-12 years): Provide more detailed explanations about sensory issues and social communication, and discuss how they can help their siblings.
More Detail: "Your brother with autism experiences noises differently. He might get upset by loud noises or crowded places because his senses take in a lot of information at once."
Emphasis on Empathy: "Imagine if you could hear every little noise loudly all the time. That's how your sibling might feel, which is why they might cover their ears."
For Teenagers: Engage in deeper conversations about neurodiversity, the autism spectrum, and how they can advocate for and support their siblings.
Complex Understanding: "Autism is a spectrum, which means it affects people differently. Some might need only a little help, while others might need a lot. It's a part of neurodiversity, where differences in the brain are recognized and respected just like any other human variation."
Encourage Advocacy: "You can help others understand your sibling by sharing what you know about autism and by being there for your sibling when they need you."
How Do I Highlight Strengths? 💪
Focusing on the positive aspects of autism can foster pride and admiration:
Unique Talents: Discuss the special skills or interests their sibling with autism may have, such as an excellent memory or a talent for drawing.
Different Perspectives: Explain how their sibling may see the world in a unique and valuable way.
How Do I Build Resiliency, Patience, and Understanding? 🌱
Equip siblings with the tools to handle the challenges and celebrate the joys of having a sibling with autism:
Educational Resources: Provide age-appropriate books and videos that offer positive representations of autism.
Support Groups: Encourage participation in sibling support groups where they can meet others in similar situations.
Family Activities: Plan activities catering to their needs and preferences, promoting bonding and mutual respect.
Faith: In our home, our faith deeply influences our family discussions. We encourage our children to turn to prayer and the teachings of the Bible to foster compassion towards their siblings, guided by the principles of love and respect that are central to our beliefs.
Conclusion
Talking about autism with siblings is essential for fostering understanding and compassion within the family. By choosing the right time, making the conversation age-appropriate, highlighting strengths, and building resiliency, siblings can grow closer and navigate the challenges and rewards of their unique relationship more effectively.
